Late one night in Thames House, the headquarters of Mi5, Section-Chief Guillman presides over a meeting in a glum room containing five men about to receive their new mission briefs…

After a long pause, Guillman clears his throat.

Guillman: Evening, gents. I see you survived the rain. Nostor, I have to say that was a damn fine job on the Chestnut Operation. I trust you’re suitably rested.

Nostor: Yes, sir, nice to be back out in the field, even if it’s a Scottish bog.

Guillman: The components are en route to Texas, I hear, Cobalt?

Cobalt: Indeed, it’s the Americans’ problem now, sir.

Guillman: Excellent. How was the drive from the Cotswolds, Holden?

Holden: It’s always easier leaving London than coming toward it, sir.

Guillman (smiling): Right, well, yes of course. Now… shall we begin?

George (looking at his watch): I have a feeling this is related to the recent unrest in Barnsford, the murders.

Guillman (handing out files): Yes, well, that among many other related issues, George. It would seem, gentlemen, that there’s a whole new show from the Home Office themselves.

The men open their files.

Toby: Political sabotage?

Nostor: Acquiring compromising material and evidence of tax evasion?

George: Aren’t I a little old for the pub and pony routine, Guillman?

Cobalt: What is this, exactly?

Guillman: This, Cobalt, is the new priorities of the Home Office and State in general, which is increasingly concerned with the politics, misinformation campaigns, and undermining of the fabric of the United Kingdom by the extreme right wing.

George: I knew it was about Barnsford.

Nostor: I’m sorry, Barnsford? Was there a terror attack I missed?

Guillman: Well, not exactly; there were a series of brutal stabbings that the Home Office believes fuel far-right narratives and embolden extremist elements. But…

Holden (rolling his eyes): I believe the killer was of immigrant extraction.

Guillman: Yes, well. Of higher concern is that the Home Office is about to release data on the United Kingdom’s population in preparation for the white British, as they stand on the census, becoming a minority a few decades hence.

George (sighing): Isn’t this a job for the quangos and the nudge dpt?

Holden: Or the hacks at the Guardian.

Guillman: Not quite. The Home Office has seen fit to redefine the terms of what constitutes “terrorism” to encompass the ideology, values, and attitudes of white supremacy. Or, rather, potential terrorism. At any rate, chaps, terrorism is inherently a threat to national security, and that lands it in our lap. We’re looking at the ongoing and long-term formation of networks and cells, the spread of ideology, and very probably a political manifestation of extremism.

George (wearily): In Belfast, we’d lock up the heavies and offer a helping hand to the political moderates. Am I to assume we’re taking a different operational approach to this show, Guillman?

Guillman: Not at all, we already have the moderates in place, George. You’ll be doing the old dog and pony routine to sniff out any extremists attempting to infiltrate and compromise the people Westminster is happy with. I believe “Values, not Demographics” covers it.

Cobalt: The heavies, I’m assuming there actually are heavies, are acquiring their explosives and hardware from where exactly? Are the FSS smuggling them in through the Baltic?

Guillman: We do not know, and that’s the problem.

Toby: Shifting resources from Islamic radicalism and towards the far right is…questionable, given that we know how many heavies in mosques are accounted for.

Guillman (sighing): That’s a community relations operation, Toby.

Nostor: Roughly speaking, how many marks are there? And how many players?

Guillman: Estimated…

Holden (interrupting): Tens of millions. If the criteria for a potential terror cell is anyone fed up with immigration, then there are quite literally tens of millions of possible marks.

Guillman (patiently): And this is why, Holden, our Toby will be dropped into the already existing cyber-tracking frameworks to trace the sources of this, shall we say “misinformation” before we reach that potentially unfortunate situation.

Nostor (frustrated): Am I to believe that the men at my golf club are potential marks merely waiting to be programmed by players, and the criterion is a weariness with multiculturalism?

Holden: The baseline assumptions of the operation are absurd; it isn’t how the population is. It is how Westminster and the Home Office want them to be!

Guillman: The baseline assumption of the Home Office is that the carnage at Barnsford, combined with the about-to-be-released demographic data, will result in an increased level of threat to infrastructure and community relations.

George: In Ulster, the moderate position was negotiation and outreach. Yet the goal of Irish reunification remained, albeit kicked far down the road. Am I to understand that there is to be no dialogue permitted over the population dynamics of the United Kingdom?

Guillman: No, afraid not George.

George: And our democratic values are…

Guillman: The Home Office believes that we are in the process of protecting them, George.

George (wiping his glasses): I am indeed grateful to be retiring soon.

Toby: So who is our number one player?

Guillman: We believe John Tompkins, formerly of the Conservative Party, has now gone rogue and is not only veering toward extremism but building the infrastructure of a Nativist political organization aiming to subvert local elections. We also believe, George, that he has been having an affair with a secretary.

George (rolls eyes): My last job, this is the last one.

Cobalt: Isn’t Barnsford in Tompkins’ old constituency?

Holden: Yes, it is. Presumably, turning a blind eye to barbarism places one in the hallowed category of “moderate” now. Somebody needs to tell Tompkins that.

Guillman: We did try, Holden.

Toby: I have three kids myself.

Cobalt: I have a mortgage and an ex-wife.

Guillman: We’re professionals, and we’re good at what we do.

Holden: I wanted to protect my nation.

George (smiling): Ah, idealism, how I missed you so these many years.

Cobalt laughs loudly.

Nostor: Can’t the police get Tompkins on hate speech or incitement?

Guillman: Hate speech infractions and incitement tend to be for thugs and social media users, not those educated in public schools and Hampstead’s private dinner circuit.

Cobalt: Typical; let us be honest; there is a risk of reactionaries undermining the United Kingdom as it is rather than how they want it to be.

Holden: And how it is… what happened at Barnsford and quangos crafting the public’s perception.

George: We’ve been doing that since Bloody Sunday.

Holden: So, who are the new Paddies?

Cobalt: It’s a job.

Guillman: Tompkins is collecting money from working-class areas in the North, so if you could, Nostor, screen and check to see if it’s legit. As a Northerner yourself, you might enjoy the trip home.

Nostor: It isn’t what it once was. It changed quite a bit, and not for the better.

Holden smirked.

Guillman: Well, gentlemen, if there’s nothing more, I think we shall call it a night. Don’t forget your briefs on your way out now. Holden, you could remain for a little while. George…

George (staring out at the rain): Yes. I best get going. The streets don’t feel safe at night these days, and I can’t quite move like I used to…